Congratulations, we're now in midlife

Congratulations, we're now having a midlife crisis.

Or quarterlife, or whatever. Hey Diva, you're not alone. I've been having that stagnant feeling for some time. I know I said I was going to hack this teaching shit so I can be good and righteous and do something for this country and all that blah. But who am I kidding? I miss my goddamn paycheck! You know this feeling intensifies when your sneaker soles are busted and suddenly you think, Fuck, why am I busting my arches by wearing high heeled shoes when I can be so comfy in tsinelas and sneakers? Then your sneakers die on you and your other running shoes are like 4 years old, and you think, do I buy myself 4k sneakers or do I get flats which I can wear to class? Fuck.

I don't know about the party atmosphere though. I was never very social in college and though I sank deep into it after, I never really felt comfy either. I just like hanging out and talking all deep shit about Disney or the next Coke commercial or whatever. But I swear if you use something highfaluting like "hegemony" and "state apparatus" in the same sentence, me and Butasnachucks will kill you.

I really wasn't a quill person. I can also take them one or two at a time, but more than that, I'll be dead swimming. I don't know what is it about them either. But some of them are okay. I also think peer pressure doesn't stop with graduation. People form tribes, and have loyalties to their tribes. If somebody new came along and tried to get into that group, that person will get shunned. Maybe not all the time, and maybe people will be grudgingly accepting and all, but generally, nah.

I'm not really sure if we're like this because "The Program" fucked us up. It sounds very AA, this "program.' And Diva, "the masters" know there's something wrong. We've had meetings trying to solve the problem. Apparently, the impression that program people (both students and faculty) exude that unreachable air. You know, distant and pretentious, lazy and insolent and all. And that yeah, people graduate without even the capacity to write plain correspondence. How's that ei?

Also, please forgive me for making long rambling sentences which wouldn't pass my own evaluation if you submit this to me. I went here to post and ask people why they're so quiet, and here we go.

PS. Hey Diva, I get lost too, whenever I drop by Dennis' blog. I don't know the authors and ideas he rambles about half the time. I am so not into Oriental and Third World lit. I read what I can, but not as much as he does.

Another minor grievance: I opened my mailbox and there's this one liner from the supposed former mentor. I had mass sent out this email about ducks and he goes back to me with "hi j, kamusta na," smilies and all. What am I supposed to say? Drop him a million pound email rambling about events of the year past?