It's Rainy and I am Lonely

I don't know if this has anything to do with my cousin suddenly dropping off dead when she's just in her early 40s, and that she's been widowed at 30 when the NPAs riddled her soldier husband with bullets, and that my cousins are just 19, 17, and 15 years old. Imagine being that young and you find yourself orphaned. On the other hand, all the grown ups shuttle off to the highlands to join the family in one big grief hug. It should have been happy, after all, my aunt just arrived. But no, I have been left with the nasty job of telling her about the sudden death, and why people wouldn't be there to welcome her, and it's really not my idea of a fun time to be there in a hotel room watching people cry their hearts out after not sleeping for 2 days. All the grown ups and the mothers are away, perhaps to comfort the poor kids. Every one is saying that they are unlucky poor orphaned kids. Oh I would have gone with them, except that my mother is worried I'll have another relapse, get too stressed out and spend another weekend in a hospital. No, stay here and look after the kids. The kids. I want to be one of them right now. I don't want to think of what to cook for dinner, of feeding the dog, and hauling in the laundry because it might rain. Rain. I hate it that it's all grey and rain and clouds right now. I want to stay in bed. I want to sleep. But I have to get up and make breakfast and make sure kids would have something to eat when they come home at lunch time and I have to go to school and maybe say a bit of thanks that I'm not one of the poor poor orphaned kids.